It seems like its been so long since I felt connected. That was the internal commentary I had. The feeling of connectedness is referring to the deep cutting emotional pain and joy that I’ve experienced over the years. The moments when I’ve been emotionally broken, when tears have rolled off my cheeks. No matter how much time had passed I felt connected to the moments that changed me. But where did it go? The other question I can’t help but ask is if this change a good thing? I don’t want to lose the raw purity of those emotions. I don’t want to become disconnected. I fear I have become calloused.

This is uncharted water. This lack of intensity surrounding Max. Was it the darkness of the valley that heightened my senses and made me ultra aware of even the most finite emotional changes. Fight or flight, when a man stands toe to toe for so long what does that man become in the absence of an adversary. What brings him alive, what demands the best of him? I don’t know if this is a good or bad place I just know its a different place.