As another mothers day passed on the calendar recently I found myself somewhat obsessively thinking about the fathers. Not in a celebratory way but in a deep rooted frustration way. Allow me a moment to frame-up the context of this line of thought. In my world I have an insiders view of the world of parents with special needs children. These men and women are some of the strongest and most honorable people I’ve been blessed to meet. What I also see is a much more sobering reality, that of the missing father.

I certainly understand that fathers walking away from families isn’t exclusive to the special needs community, nor is it any more painful to the families left behind. It seems most psychologists in discussing the difference between men and women and specifically father and mothers will point out that men are fixers and women are nurturers. Given that framework it’s not surprising that when faced with the mountain of parenting a special needs child it’s the father that seems to struggle the most. When put in a situation that not only as a father you can’t “fix” it but that all the money in the world still couldn’t “fix” it the walls begin closing in.

It seems that is the sticking point, can a husband, and a father accept their current circumstance while understanding that success means going against the very nature of the man. I am in no way presenting myself an expert or in a spirit of arrogance that I have beat the odds. As a father I have chose a path, a mindset, a view of my circumstance. I view my son not as broken or a child with special needs, or a statistic I look at my son and I see a work of art. I see masterful brushstrokes, intricate lines and textures, I see a mosaic of inspiration and beauty.

I see so many mothers passionately embracing the beauty of the circumstances and certainly lots of fathers as well, but far too many single mothers with stories of a father walking off into the distance to never return.

These are the mothers I found myself thinking of. These are the mothers that hold tightly their sons and daughters. Mothers that no matter the valley, the darkness or the mountain ahead they continue on. These mothers deserve more respect and honor then they will most likely ever receive. They certainly have mine.

Scott